A colleague told me this true story and gave me permission to share. I have changed some details to anonymize and protect privacy.
In this story, an adult wants to connect with a child who has shown great skill in a spelling bee. The adult asks: “What is the biggest word you know?” but what the adult really means is, “what is the longest word you know?” The child interprets the adult’s question as, “What is the biggest thing you know?”
This child reveals that they are in a concrete operational stage of cognition and not yet ready to imagine the actual question the adult meant to ask. Guessing what the adult meant to ask would require the cognitive skill of formal operational thinking.
When Piaget observed these apparent ‘mistakes’ or ‘misunderstandings’ that children make, he saw their responses as a reflections of the child’s stage of thinking. That is, the child’s responses were not so much “errors” but more like sneak peaks into the workings of the child’s mind.
Each person in this story reveals the limits of their imagination and the style of their thinking. When we are surprised by another person’s unexpected answer, we have the opportunity to learn just as much about our own mind as theirs — if we take the time to notice, wonder, and celebrate the quirky answers.
My take on this story. When we are surprised when ‘kids say the darnedest things,’ we also learn just as much about our own thinking, the limitations in our imagination, and the short comings in our ability to ask precise questions. When we are surprised by what someone says, it necessarily means we must have had a priori expectations — or biases — about how the question should be answered. Every time we are surprised by someone’s response, we are being invited to glimpse our own mind’s cognitive processes and preset ideas.
In a way, it is a form of “adultism” — or hubris — for us to label the child’s answer as an ‘error’ or ‘misunderstanding’ and not at the same time question our own assumptions, a priori expectations, and imprecisions. Personally, I have learned that the joy and biggest reward of being insatiably curious and asking many questions is that I can experience wonderful moments of surprise, confusion, and/or hilarity that reveal just as much about me as it does the person I am in conversation with.
In this story, I find the child’s answer, “sky,” to be mystical and wise. Brilliant! A true mic drop answer.
I am grateful I was given permission to share this story with you.